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That Explains Everything

If you're wondering why Rick Perry's poll numbers are up even after he threatened to beat up Ben Bernanke and said Social Security was unconstitutional, here's your answer: There's a disturbance in the solar system. Large solar flares have created a "strong to severe geomagnetic storm." Basically, planet earth is getting battered with radioactive particles. "The earth's magnetic field is pretty disturbed," a scientist at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association told the Los Angeles Times. We've entered solar flare "season," which actually lasts 11 years. Repent, for the end is nigh!

Just kidding. The end isn't nigh at all. But expect trouble with your cell phone and your GPS device, because geomagnetic storms mess with satellites. And be prepared to see some northern lights, which apparently will be visible a bit further south than normal.

Speaking of the end being nigh, here is my favorite commentary on that prospect, a skit from the 1960 revue Beyond the Fringe: