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The TNR Primary: Part Seven

Our distinguished panel of eggheads and eminences announces its votes.

As an American paid to make fun of our elected officials, high-profile gaffes and missteps are a particular concern to me. That's why I am subjecting every presidential candidate to the following litmus test: Will he accidentally shoot an old man in the face? Tragically, no one has yet had Dick Cheney's courage to answer "yes." Thus, I am forced to use my instincts. Mitt Romney will not accidentally shoot an old man in the face. Neither will Obama. John McCain will not actually shoot an old man in the face, but, in the name of "straight talk," he might tell an old man something so depressing that he will feel as if he has been shot in the face. And Clinton, of course, raises questions as to whether a woman can effectively accidentally shoot an old man in the face. Rudy Giuliani, it is!

Allison Silverman is a writer for "The Colbert Report."

Part one: Randall Kennedy

Part two: Judith Shulevitz

Part three: Erica Jong

Part four: John McWhorter

Part five: Paul Berman

Part six: Graydon Carter

Part seven: Allison Silverman

Part eight: Alan Wolfe

Part nine: John Anderson

Part ten: C.K. Williams

Part eleven: Todd Gitlin

Part twelve: Daniel Alarcón

Part thirteen: Larry Kramer

Part fourteen: Alan Dershowitz