Give a man a—no, let’s make it a soccer ball. And let’s make the man not an anonymous citizen but someone more prominent. A president or a prime minister or a future secretary of state. Who is wearing a suit, or at a minimum a pair of dad jeans and a sport coat. Who is also—because he is a world leader, remember—obviously surrounded by cameras. Now, give him (or her) that soccer ball. The world leader has a few options for what to do next, all of them with tremendous potential for embarrassment. They are as follow:
You Can Put the Ball on Your Head
ADALBERTO ROQUE/AFP/Getty Images
Fidel Castro, who enjoys being able to jail any Cubans who mock him
EVARISTO SA/AFP/Getty Images
Marco Maia, Federal Deputy for the Brazilian state of Rio Grande do Sul, with Neymar, who is the superior juggler
You Can Practice Your Shin-Punting Technique
Bettmann/CORBIS
Gerald Ford and Pelé
SERGEI CHIRIKOV/AFP/Getty Images
Vladimir Putin with CSKA Moscow, in trousers borrowed from Pelé
Gamma-Rapho via Getty Images
François Hollande at what appears to be a French Third Division stadium, shortly before firing his campaign manager
You Can At Least Have the Good Sense to Lose the Suit
JEWEL SAMAD/AFP/Getty Images
Barack Obama, demonstrating proper instep technique, and the proper wearing of dad-khakis
SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images
John “He Looks French” Kerry, true to form
Or At Least the Suit Jacket
PETER PARKS/AFP/Getty Images
Tony Blair
Or...Not
ASSOCIATED PRESS/Seth Wenig
Bill Clinton, who is paid $11,100 per corner kick
Getty Images Europe
Nicolas Sarkozy at the step-over station with Arsene Wenger and Gordon Brown
You Can Include Cute Children as Props to Distract from Your Poor Form/Education Cuts
SSPL/Manchester Daily Express via Getty Images
Margaret Thatcher, shortly before shuttering these children’s orphanage and selling the field to an international mining conglomerate
University of Texas Archives
New U.S. president (Ronald Reagan), same Pelé (Pelé), same roomy Pelé trousers
You Can Pretend You’re Playing an Entirely Different Sport
ANDREW PARSONS
David Cameron, who thought Gary Lineker played volleyball
Or Use Your No-Longer Secret Powers of Levitation
ODD ANDERSON/AFP/Getty Images
Angela Merkel is a WIZARD
You Can Show the World How to Play Soccer the American Way
LUKE FRAZZA/AFP/Getty Images
George Bush, slide-tackling himself
When All Else Fails: You Can Ask to Play Goalie
PAUL J. RICHARDS/AFP/Getty Images
George W. Bush brought the wrong boots