The 100-pound book of dubiously ranked universities has long been a hallmark of the college application process. But these days, the number of lists and scores that tell you where to go to school is growing almost as quickly as college students’ debt. The 30-year tyranny of the US News & World Report rankings may be coming to an end: Last week, The New York Times reported that “dollars-and-cents tabulations” that purport to tell you the best bang for your buck “are the fastest-growing sector of the college rankings industry, with ever more analyses vying for the attention of high school students and their parents who are anxious about finances.” This summer, President Barack Obama promised that the federal government will come up with a website that would do exactly that.
With more and more rankings to choose from—and with wildly different prescriptions from one list to another—we thought young scholars and their parents could use a little help deciding which tabulation to trust. Please note, like most college guides, our College Rankings Ranking should be taken with a grain of salt.
Number-crunching utilitarianism: 99
Lushness of campus photography: TBD
Insufferable Haughtiness: 68
Degree of alarmism: 306
Booziness (a.k.a. awareness of what kids actually do in college): 0
Total Score: 570
2. Washington Monthly College Guide
Reformist ardor: 396
Number-crunching utilitarianism: 82
Lushness of campus photography: 0
Insufferable Haughtiness: 8
Degree of alarmism: 71
Booziness (a.k.a. awareness of what kids actually do in college): 5
Total Score: 562
3. US News & World Report Rankings
Reformist ardor: -700
Number-crunching utilitarianism: 13
Lushness of campus photography: 93
Insufferable Haughtiness: 1,007
Degree of alarmism: 4
Booziness (a.k.a. awareness of what kids actually do in college): 56
Total Score: 473
4. GQ’s Douchiest Colleges
Reformist ardor: 0
Number-crunching utilitarianism: 0
Lushness of campus photography: 45
Insufferable Haughtiness: 99
Degree of alarmism: 73
Booziness (a.k.a. awareness of what kids actually do in college): 210
Lushness of campus photography: 63
Insufferable Haughtiness: 77
Degree of alarmism: 58
Booziness (a.k.a. awareness of what kids actually do in college): 44
Total Score: 351
6. Wall Street Journal College Rankings
Reformist ardor: 4
Number-crunching utilitarianism: 90
Lushness of campus photography: 55
Insufferable Haughtiness: 86
Degree of alarmism: 49
Booziness (a.k.a. awareness of what kids actually do in college): 18
Total Score: 302
7. The Princeton Review Best College Rankings
Reformist ardor: 0
Number-crunching utilitarianism: 43
Lushness of campus photography: 3
Insufferable Haughtiness: 84
Degree of alarmism: 30
Booziness (a.k.a. awareness of what kids actually do in college): 97
Total Score: 257